onward // dati sobrang takot ako pag-usapan ang tungkol sa future pero dala na rin siguro ng pag tanda ko kaya mas naging open na ako

ako: so what are our goals for next year?
siya: hmmmm i plan on buying a car and then just saving alot. you?
ako: i really just want to save up, that’s all
siya: we really gotta start cooking meals next year (lessen eating out)
ako: yeah this year we’ve just been splurging
siya: i know, i know, we’ll be better

masaya pala pag-usapan ang future lalo na kung pakiramdam mo na may patutunguhan talaga.

from the past // 7 years ago, i wrote a letter to my future self. im meant to open it when i reach a certain age, and that’s what i did on my birthday this year. i opened this daunting letter that has caused me nothing but stress when i found it rummaging through one of my boxes earlier this year. what if i failed my younger self?

but i was stressing over nothing. it was a pretty shallow letter written by a teenager. it goes, “your top 5 fave songs atm are: …” i also wrote down a lot of questions for my future self, a few of those were: “is tumblr still a thing?”, “do you still feel lost?”, and my favorite one is, “do you have a husband and 2 kids now? are they cute?”

i can’t remember how i envisioned my life when i was younger, it makes me happy that i was once this optimistic. but it still makes me sad how things changed drastically after that.

this is how we started // nung isang araw nakaupo lang kami sa labas ng bahay nila habang nakikinig ng mga kanta mula sa phone ko. may isang kanta na tumugtog na nag paalala sa akin nung unang beses kami lumabas.

ako: i still remember the day we first went out, it was fun. we were just chilling and listening to some music on your old phone

siya: yeah ofc i still remember, we were already cute back then huh?

tumambay lang kami sa beach nun eh. umiinom ng kape, at nag-uusap habang nagpapatugtog siya ng mga kanta sa phone niya. yung app na pwede mong isave yung mga youtube videos. tapos yung order niya ng kape ay large cappuccino, nagkamali pa nga ng dinig yung barista. hindi ko na maalala mga pinag-usapan namin pero alam kong komportable yung pakiramdam ko. pagkalipas ng apat na buwan, hinawakan niya yung kamay ko at doon na kami nagsimula.

mood swings at 220kph // sobrang hellish kong tao this week that i had no idea how to deal with myself. siyempre naapektuhan relationship ko. tipong andun na kami pareho sa dulo ng pasensya namin kaya para maisalba yung sarili at relasyon namin nagsagutan kami. we talked about our anger for the sake of our mental stability. it felt good tbh, it felt healthy. we apologized afterwards and now we’re much better. pero ayoko na maulit yung ganito sa totoo lang haha.

JD: I would never leave you over your mood swings, I know that’s not even 25% of you

isa yan sa mga sinabi niya nung humupa na ang lahat. bigla ko tuloy naalala yung linya sa Juno;

The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.

JD: are you disappointed in me because i no longer want to become a tattoo artist?

ako: i am sad but it’s more on the fact that you no longer draw

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isa sa mga pinangarap ko talaga ay yung to be with someone na nagdradrawing rin. yung tipong magkasama kami pero pareho kaming busy magdrawing. matagal ko naman ng naramdaman na hindi na talaga yun ang gusto niya, natakot lang akong itanung.

hindi naman siya problema, i support him in his endeavours. narealize ko lang na may mga certain expectations pala talaga ako, akala ko wala. i was under the impression na chill lang ako tungkol sa mga ganitong bagay. im just glad im reasonable enough to not project my expectations on him. it would be very unfair of me.

loudest cliche // according to my astrological sign, i’m a scorpio sun and a pisces moon. according to this website called Astroligion, a person under this sign is a loner at heart and finds peace in isolation and contemplation.

it’s probably generic but it has helped me make sense of a lot of things that has been going through my mind lately.

sneak peek// nung iniimagine ko yung future ko, ganito talaga yun. yung umaga tapos nagdradrawing lang ako at umiinom ng kape. napapaligiran ng halaman. nakikinig ng mga kantang gusto ko. maaliwalas dahil pataas na yung araw, habang tulog pa yung kinakasama ko.